


Poison

by NoHappyEnding, SilentStudies



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Angst, M/M, NHE2017, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2019-03-17 18:39:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13664937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoHappyEnding/pseuds/NoHappyEnding, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilentStudies/pseuds/SilentStudies
Summary: Today is the day, Luhan can practically feel it.





	Poison

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt:** 2017-72  
>  **Pairing/Main character(s):** Xiumin/Luhan  
>  **Word count:** 1,500  
>  **Rating:** Mature  
>  **Warning(s):** Suicide, Visions, Humiliation
> 
>  **Author’s Note:** The manner of committing suicide in this fic is not meant to be replicated in real life. I have researched this method, and it’s not even guaranteed to work (though many have died from arsenic poisoning). If you are planning on killing yourself, please call the suicide hotline. They help calm you down and think about your decision. With that said, I hope you enjoy this depressing fanfic.

The world seems to be a bit darker today. Or maybe it was dark all this time, and Luhan didn't know it. He's alone in his apartment, with a knife in his hand and a will to die. Luhan knows that life is unfair and that he's a liar. Liars don't deserve to live, not with the way this world works.

Words repeat itself over and over in his head. Liar, cheater, slut, and the words never cease to stop the pain in his heart. He has been betrayed by his parents, teachers, doctors, and friends. He no longer has anyone to trust. He can't even trust himself.

Luhan sighs and sits down on the wooden floor, knife still in hand, contemplating about whether he was going to follow through or not. The last straw was when Minseok left him. Luhan never cheated on him, but he did lie, several times. When Minseok left him, all his friends became his enemies. All of them believed that Luhan was in the wrong, that Luhan had cheated and slept around with other men during their relationship. Luhan feels a bitter emptiness in his heart just thinking about how everyone left him.

Dating Minseok was a significant turning point in his life. That was when he started to become more comfortable with himself, with his identity, and that liking men was not a horrendous thing that his parents make it out to be.

Luhan felt happy and alive around Minseok. Even before they started dating, Luhan followed Minseok around like a lost puppy. Minseok kept brushing him off, so eventually, Luhan met some close friends who turned their backs on him when Minseok left him.

Minseok was the center of Luhan's universe. All lines converge towards Minseok; the world seems to revolve around Minseok. Luhan felt as if he met the center of the galaxy as he looks into Minseok's eyes. So when Minseok left him for one of his friends, the sorrow that Luhan experienced created a blurry line between reality and his imagination.

Luhan starts seeing ghosts and feeling things that don't exist. He stops going to work or to school. No one comes by to check on him, and a bitter feeling overcomes him when he thinks of the last time he saw someone. Luckily he's rich enough to stay in his apartment, lose his job and education all due to a heartbreak that was ultimately unavoidable.

The ghosts start to steal his food, then break his furniture. Luhan's so terrified that he starts making a habit of hiding in his closet to shield himself from their eyes. Only during the afternoon, he comes out to eat, that's when they seem to be away. A feeling starts bubbling inside his chest, a hatred for himself and the world. Suddenly, he starts wishing that he never exists.

Holding the knife, Luhan thinks about his first date with Minseok. It was at a coffee shop near campus, and Luhan got so excited that he spilled his drink all over himself. Then their next date to the movie theater. The date after that to a cafe for lunch. They were together for two years, two years all for naught. Luhan starts tracing the knife over his skin. Uncertainty clouds his mind, but when he looks up, he sees the ghosts' eyes practically beckoning him to join them. Luhan starts wondering if cutting himself is really the best way to go.

Luhan hasn't used electronics in months; it strains his eyes the moment he turns his laptop on. He opens up a web browser and searches for better ways to kill himself, more painless and non-revivable ways. He ends up looking at various types of poison. He finds that rat poison has high levels of arsenic in them, which can cause a painful, yet absolute certain death. It could take days until he finally dies, but in several high doses in his food or drinks, he could be dead in a single day.

Luhan dresses up nicely, in an outfit that Minseok loved to see him wear. His best dress shirt and black slacks. He even takes a shower, shaves, combs his hair, brushes his teeth. He looks as if he were a completely normal person who wasn't planning on killing himself. He smiles while looking at his reflection in the mirror, even wider when he notices the ghosts behind him. He starts laughing, and can't seem to stop himself. He laughter hurts his throat and makes the fire in his stomach from not eating grow. He's going to go to the grocery store next door to the apartment building and get food and the poison. His life is going to end by tomorrow.

He picks out Minseok's favorite foods and a couple of things of rat poison, placing it in his shopping basket. Luhan feels energy zipping through him. His hands are shaking, and he can't stop tapping. He's tapping his leg, the shelves near the rat poison, even the counter when he swipes his debit card. 

The closer he gets to his apartment, the faster his heart palpitates. He sees the ghosts waiting for him in the elevator. His heart is practically shaking as much as his hands are when he opens his door with his keycard.

Luhan sets his stuff on his kitchen counter and remembers the time when Minseok first kissed him, made out with him, pushing Luhan down onto the counter. Luhan suddenly can't breathe, but he pushes through it. Soon, he will rest. Soon, he will never feel this sick feeling in his stomach as he remembers the absolute embarrassment of having his nude photos posted around campus. Soon, he won't have to recall watching his so-called friends turn their back on him as Minseok claims that Luhan was a drunken abuser. Luhan has never drunk a single drop of strong alcohol in his life.

Luhan calms himself, and his stomach starts to twist painfully. Luhan sets a pot on the stove and takes out a cup to fill it with water. He pours three cups of water into the pot then dumps the entire container of pasta in it. He sets the timer on the microwave for eleven minutes, and stands there and watches it boil. When nine minutes had passed, he opens the container of rat poison and dumps it in with the pasta. Luhan stirs it around with a wooden spoon until the timer went off. 

Luhan sets the table, red placemats, and lit candles. He sits down and eats the pasta with his best silverware and his cleanest plate. He drinks a glass of water that has rat poison mixed with it. It doesn't taste like anything; the pasta tastes bland. There's nothing special about the meal, it was his first real meal in days. The ghosts sat with him as he ate, and he's reminded of that fancy restaurant that Minseok took him to for their fourth date. Luhan feels a violent twist in his stomach.

Luhan sprints to the bathroom, quickly pulling down his pants to sit on the toilet. He sobs as he feels liquid diarrhea drizzle out of him. Every breath brings up the bile in his throat, making his throat burn. He feels a sense of laughter in his heart as vomit pours from his mouth, on his pants, floor, and bathroom rug. His stomach feels so odd.

The world seems to spin and change into rainbow colors. All the lights look like fireworks, and the air seems to be humid as he coughs up blood. His insides feel as if it were eating him from the inside out. The ghosts are laughing above him, and he can't get this high pitched ringing sound out of his head. By the time it's morning, he's barely alive.

Luan starts thinking about how people would view him after he's dead as he lays on his bathroom floor, blood spilling from his mouth and his ass. He thinks the others would laugh and call him a pussy for taking the easy way out. Minseok would pretend to be the victim and that it was only right for him to kill himself to repent for what he supposedly did. Luhan laughs and feels tears drip down his face. He breathes his last breath before he stops thinking, dead.

They find Luhan's body two weeks after he died, alone in his apartment. His apartment was in disarray; clothes were strewn everywhere when he couldn't find Minseok's favorite shirt, rat poison container empty, pasta only half eaten on the table.

When paramedics recovered his body, he has half naked with blood pooling on the floor. No one mourned his death. His parents didn't even want to pay for his funeral. Only the pastor blessed him in the afterlife. A funeral that no one attended. No one aside from his family was notified of his death, so Minseok lives on without the knowledge of Luhan's death.


End file.
